When we think of reasons why relationships are ruined, we tend to go after the most obvious culprits: infidelity, domestic abuse, lack of romance, long distance etc. We often ignore the smaller, more subtle reasons why a relationship might fail. One of the biggest reasons being poor communication. However, the broad term is an umbrella that covers a large number of small reasons why communication fails. These reasons, because they are so small, often go unnoticed and chip away at the relationship without being taken care of. Before long, the relationship is destroyed and the reasons are never known. A few of the underrated, under-discussed ways we ruin relationships are:
• Lack of a connection: This might seem like an overly romantic concept or an ‘oyinbo’ affair, but lack of connection is actually a major problem in relationships. It can start with not talking about minor frustrations and then grow into not talking about intimate things. We only initiate real communication with people we feel an actual connection with. If the connection is lacking, communication is dead on arrival.
• Being more comfortable with someone else: Perhaps in a bid to avoid getting ‘played’, some people choose to hold off on their feelings towards their significant other. Not things like being nervous about a job interview, but about their crippling fear of being inadequate. At the early stages, it is understandable to be reluctant to share, but even years into a relationship, some people never speak up about it. Instead, they turn to other people to vent their frustrations. It could be a friend, relative etc. By doing this, they are unconsciously putting up walls between themselves and their partners.
• Being Passive-Aggressive: A popular trope regarding women is that when something is bothering them, they say nothing is wrong. This is all too true in real life. Instead of actually talking about their feelings, they throw passive-aggressive comments and eventually the issue is never resolved. This leads to a whole lot of little issues that pile up. This usually ends in a loud argument where all the pent-up feelings spill over. At this point, the damage has already been done.