Getting Over A Break Up
Breaking up with your partner straight up sucks even if you didn’t have the best relationship. There’s no easy way around it. It messes with this comfortable feeling you had and sends you into the downward spiral of emotions you feel you can’t control. For Some of us, that’s just stuffing your head in a pillow all day and sobbing your eyes with a bottle of wine praying to feel normal again.
I have experienced being both the dumper and dumpee at different points in my life. Dumping someone never feels good because you mostly likely do still care for them and don’t want to hurt them talkless of the anxiety and disagreements that usually follows. Being dumped – this could even feel worse. Most of us have been so “lucky” to have experienced being broken up without any warning signs by someone you are head over heels for. I would definitely stuff my face in ice cream and romantic movies sobbing my eyes out but that will only get you past a couple days before you have to face reality.
If you want to get over a broken heart by growing and healing to move forward, here are a few tips on where to start:
1. Talking about your feelings and accepting the emptiness you feel:- initially when you’re dumped, you can feel this huge gabbing hole of nothing. It feels like you’re mourning because you are indirectly mourning the death of a relationship. Allow yourself cry, throws mood tantrums or whatever makes you release all that negativity. As Modern Family star, Sarah Hyland once said “There are two quotes that I want to say. One is a Dylan Thomas poem ‘Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light,’ which is one of my favourite poems, it just strikes a chord in me. And also Robert Frost’s ‘The only way out is through’. People have to go through things in order to become the person that they are today, and that’s that.
2. Cut off all contact:- At least for a period of time. Give yourself a break and break off all contact. Allow yourself feel the hurt and pain and push through it. Staying in contact seems like the most mature thing to do but when you really love someone and your break up comes as a surprise, this little sense of hope will keep popping up and wouldn’t let you move on. You need that space for clarity. When the break up is fresh, you’re overwhelmed and all you want to
do is speak to them or fix things overlooking why you actually broke up.
3. Let Go and Embrace your freedom:- it is definitely not a walk in the park. You will probably still be in your head deciding who is right or wrong but that’s not what’s important. Focus on thinking objectively more on why it didn’t work and what was lacking and be very realistic then let it go. Embrace your freedom Stop struggling with why it happened and just embrace your freedom. When you do, you feel this surge of positive vibes coming over you.
4. Do you:- By now, you’re done crying your eyes out and not taking care of yourself. Sometimes it feels like nothing could make you feel better other than crying and crying some more but NO! Get out of the house. Your sanity depends on it. Go shopping, get a new hairstyle, go to dinner! Treat yourself and focus on how to improve yourself not what you lost. Use this as an opportunity to find yourself and new opportunities and hobbies.
5. Get back out there:- No, you don’t have to jump right back into the dating scene but you are going to have to make an effort to hand out with people you love and care about. This will help you feel a sense of normalcy. Take a trip and try new things even if you don’t want to. Have fun. Be happy you’re very much alive and free. Just don’t enter a new relationship to feel the hole. Give yourself time.
6. Don’t look back:- The initially feels after a break up of never thinking you can love again will set in, trust me I’ve been there. Move forward. Create new experiences in your life and if that person walks into your life again, it is starting form something greater rather than the old place you were in.
Remember to always Love yourself because you are beautiful.