“No man is an Island”.
This is one of my favourite quotes for reminding myself to remain calm when I start feeling like the pressure of maintaining relationships is becoming too much for me to handle.
I’m sure we all have those moments when we feel like “Man, being a ‘people’s person’ is not my cup of Zobo anymore. I need to call it a day.” It happens. And it is perfectly normal to feel this way sometimes. But, it doesn’t always need to be this extreme. Because, the truth is, as much as we want to be on our own, we need someone around us to help us be our best selves.
Our relationship with people are a reflection of who we are: a reflection of our self worth and self-esteem. Ever met that beautiful girl with a beautiful soul that, somehow, manages to find reasons to hold on to toxic relationships? And you wish she could just wake up and see things the way they really are? We see women like this everyday. Sometimes, we see them in ourselves. But the problem is not that we don’t know that there are problems in those relationships, the problem is that we keep giving ourselves reasons why we should make (unhealthy) compromises and adjustments for those people, for the sake of those relationships.
BUT HOLD ON ONE MINUTE DARLING!
What are your considerations for such compromises based on? Are your compromises for yourself and your happiness or for someone else? We start getting it all wrong when we stop considering our feelings and happiness when making such decisions. Because at the end of the day, if our choices and decisions don’t make us happy, we have ended up ‘selling’ our happiness and peace for the false security those relationships have to offer. And that is not life baby girl, you are only setting yourself up for hurt.
There are ways to handle relationship pressures but it takes a lot of patience, practice and daily reminders that:
- YOU ARE IMPORTANT TOO. This means that the totality of you, your body, your mind, your emotions, your needs and desires are an important part of that relationship. You must consciously remind yourself daily that you are as important as the next person. And you need to show this through the choices and decisions you make. Because ultimately, people will treat you the way you treat yourself.
- YOU NEED TO PRACTICE SELF-LOVE. And I mean it in every way possible. When was the last time you took yourself to the spa because you needed a massage? Or cooked something really fancy for yourself(even if you ‘borrowed’ the recipe from one of those foreign food channels on television)? Try doing something for yourself when you need it. It will teach other people about what you like and they will be silly not to treat you accordingly.
- YOU NEED TO EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS. Sometimes, even with the signs right up people’s noses, they still won’t know what you need. So you need to practice telling them. You may be an extrovert but you woke up that day feeling the need to be alone. Let people know that you need your space. There’s no harm in that. It is perfectly normal. Sometimes, we cause our hurt by not expressing our needs to people and expect them to magically guess.
- YOU DESERVE THE BEST TOO. Now, this is where we get it wrong most times. We make so many compromises that make us forget that we deserve the best and this leads us to settling for the wrong people and the wrong things. And most times, those people that we make these compromises for don’t realize how much we are sacrificing for them and end up making us feel miserable. But darling, we deserve so much. And even if we decide to make compromises, we must remind ourselves to let the person(s) we are making such compromises for know how much our relationship with them mean to us and the compromises we are making for the sake of that relationship.
Yes, no man is an Island. But you don’t need to be dead to prove that your relationship mean that much to you. Be wise about it. At the end of the day, we can only do so much. Make sure that the much you put into it makes you happy, no matter how that relationship goes.