Fun day Saturday.
I was meeting up with my friends. Excited to have some fun and let loose. We set a picnic up and had a fun filled day. “Thank you Ronke”, I thought to myself because she has planned the fun day. The next morning, i wake up to have breakfast. the thing go skrrrr pa pa ka ka ka the sound of my phone ringing and it’s one of my friends from our fun day saturday, “Hey, already wantng another fun day?”, I asked. Immediately i hear sobbing over the phone, “please come to the hospital right now”, she says over the phone and drop. Confused to say the least. I get a text of an address. Without hesitation, i pick up my car keys and head right over there.
I walked into the hospital and from the reception i was directed to her room. I walked in and to my surprise, she laughs and said, “Please don’t come in crying like everyone else”. I dove in for a hug and looked at her, “Why?”. She said,
4 in the morning. Birds chirping and dogs barking.
My eyes are wide open, staring at the ceiling as the silence of my room deafens me. My heart throbs and i become restless thinking about myself. Depression setting in when i care for no one and Anxiety follows where i care too much. The biggest battle within myself. It is chipping away at me and i can’t take it anymore.
I stood up and headed to the bathroom. Standing over the bath tub watching the water run filling up the tub. Putting my feet in one after the other then submerging myself in the water.
I stayed still submerged under the water. Thinking of all the times i cried for help. Looking to my parents for attention and love, looking to my friends for solace, begging God to take this feeling of wastefulness away. The feeling of always doing the wrong thing and never being enough
As i drowned, my thoughts drowned with me. Drifting into pure darkness and nothingness. I felt at peace. Finally, i felt peace.
I said my goodbyes at our fun day. That was meant to be my last gift to you.
I was in shock. How did i miss it?
She smiled everyday. No signs of ever feeling down. How could someone with such a great life feel this way…..