Today I want to talk about the three Ss that have saved me. Being a woman I have learnt a few things about myself, and needless to say I am a working progress. The first thing I owe myself is to be easy on me and to filter all that tries to access my being taking what is good and not allowing the bad. That means having a thick skin that nothing or anyone can affect your peace of mind. I am “woke” if I may say and very careful with the words, or actions that I allow come my way. It is my mission to protect that space because that is my divine territory. Quite frankly it is the space in which I meet God, so I try and keep it uninterrupted. Normally the noises of the world get to us and we pollute that space of being still hence altering the vibrations of the energy we emit outside. Take a moment, breathe in, and let it out slowly, close your eyes and be in the present. It’s just you enjoying that minute or second and taking it for what is.

Let’s talk; what happened to you? Did he abuse you? Do you have daddy issues? Guess what? The world doesn’t care and that is the sad truth. The sun still rises and sets accordingly; someone somewhere is living their best life now. So my dear, forgive yourself for allowing all the bad energy you went through in your past to get the better part of you. My favorite quote on forgiveness comes from what Oprah said, “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different.”Accept everything that happened and own your truth, once you do this no one has the power of telling that story in any other way because at this point you are in control. You can never enjoy another relationship genuinely unless you get to this point. As I said, be easy on yourself! I wouldn’t have done any justice if I never emphasized on the importance of forgiveness, back to my 3S’s; Submission, Stupidity and Silence.

This past Sunday I was flabbergasted by an act I saw by Senator Beth Mugo (a renowned politician in Kenya) when she visited my Church with her husband. With all the accomplishments and a family name behind her she had the humility in front of the Congregation to hand in the mic first for her husband to speak, before she uttered any word even after the pastor asked her to talk. Going further let us look at a woman after my own heart, Mrs. Florensho Alakija; the richest black woman. With all the dollars behind her name, she understands that the man is the head of the family and on several occasions I have heard her talk about her husband as if he was a King. It even gets more interesting as she says that without her husband she wouldn’t have made it this far. The Quran says ,Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.” [Sûrah al-Nisâ’: 34] whereas the Bible says in Ephesians 5:21-24, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. We can use various texts to expound on the essence of submitting to your husband but for now this is enough.

In Submission there are two types of women who get it wrong, one is like me and the other is like you. I am the type of chic you would love to call Miss Independent in that I have and can get anything money can buy. Never have I relied on a man to put a meal on the table and that for me was a plus! My mama used to insist go to school and make money so that you can never depend on any man to be your source of income. As a result, I never let any man take care of me, in fact I would work around my schedule and budget without giving ‘him’ the time he needs to be King and take care of me in order to fulfill his masculinity ego. What I have learnt is that a strong woman is one who can get everything for herself but would rather someone else take care of her.Rememeber, she can get everything! Recall ma’ Alakija? A billionaire but understands her role as a wife, mother and CEO. Her husband has been quite involved in ensuring she has all that she needs as a woman, and that his house is in order; he provides the food, she prepares it for the family. This guy takes her shopping and for dinner dates and uses his own credit card to do monetary transaction. So who are you with just a few zeros in your bank account acting all Independent? Give him that satisfaction of being in charge. Furthermore never ever forget or mix up your role, as his woman.

So I met a guy, and as I told you in my previous article, I am rigging the process, there are no miracles am expecting in finding myself a perfect partner. Normally I would take control of the relationship direction, and set up all the dates and activities but this time, I am different, rule number one, is letting him take control of everything. I have the money, but I no longer pay for dinner, I seat back as pretty Daisy and let him do all the work from setting up dates to sometimes even ordering my meals, unless he decided to order snails which most definitely can’t pass through my throat. In the house, when the connection to the TV is tampered with, in as much as I can fix it, how about I see some abs struggling with that, I mean ladies, let a man be a man. However there is this group of chics who solely rely on the man for everything; to be their source of income, the type of babes who order what they can’t afford but expect someone else to pay on their behalf. These types of girls have to do everything for the man so that they can be catered for, not because they want to but do they have an option? They do it out of fear of losing a roof on top of their head and food on their table. Fear is not submission in a relationship. Submission is knowing you have what he has, but coming to a place of humility and catering to that man. Submission is being Florensho Alakija, having it all but validating him as your King. To be continued…

-Daisy Wanzala

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