There’s this misconception with babies make the world a happier place – to an extent, that is true. Babies are beautiful beings that just bring joy to life and fill a void most people claim to have. Imagine that void in a relationship.
Yet, sometimes they can be so smitten, or codependent, or hopeful, or afraid there’s no one else out there for them, that we not only overlook major relationship problems and personality issues. After years of being in a relationship, at one point or another, most couples experience challenges in their romantic partnerships where they start nagging at each other, cursing each other out and never coming to terms with anything. Then out of desperation, we convince ourselves that what our relationship needs to survive (what will inspire the man or woman we love to be kinder or more faithful) is to have a baby!
There are definitely a million and one other ways people choose to try and revive their relationships like buying a house, altering their bodies, buying a car, etc. What do these gestures all have in common ? believing external/materialistic efforts will be what fixes the damages in a relationship. We assume things can enhance compatibility or make our partners happier, less abusive, or whatever else we desire of them.
Honestly, a baby is a lot of hard work. You are trying to work on your relationship then having a child takes away from the efforts you would put towards mending the real issues in the relationship. The arrival of a baby can’t turn a bad relationship into a good one or alter personality traits, especially those we’d prefer someone didn’t have in the first place.
With all the faith we put in that happening, the greater likelihood is that it will aggravate the relationship even more. Research shows that anywhere from 66 to 90 percent of parents report a significant decline in relationship happiness after their baby is born. That on its own is enough to haunt the thoughts of a happy couple talkless of an unhappy one.
Not saying parents who continue to grow their love for each other after they have kids don’t have relationship issues or don’t ever find their spouses irritating. A lot of parent couples fight but the success in their relationship comes from how they resolve their conflict and not deciding to have a child to resolve problems or change each other.
Plus, if we have a baby for the sake of our relationships, that puts a lot of pressure on children to make us happy. We end up setting them up to fail, which is far from the bright start most of us want to give them.
If you’re considering the option of having a baby to boost your relationship, try going to a counselor first. Get all the individual support you can. If you find a counselor too far fetched, seek a mentor, family member, friend and even maybe your pastor that can guide you.
Bottom line, There’s nothing wrong with having a baby with your spouse but think about the motive of why you are doing it. If it’s to save your relationship – what if it doesn’t work? will i punish my baby for that?