“No one is perfect.”
That used to be the excuse I made for myself and said to anyone who cared to listen to me rant about something I had done wrong. I have never claimed to be perfect, no matter how much I try to make myself that way. But there was a time when I had convinced myself that I was perfect and beyond making mistakes. (Yea, I had more than a touch of Kanye in me.) So, it hurts when I have to admit to myself that
But with growth comes maturity. I have made so many mistakes that I made me see that, as much as I would love to be a Superwoman, I have to never lose touch of the ‘human’ in me. And as humans, we make mistakes. We never get everything right. It still hurts when I have to admit to myself that I have made a mistake but I recognise that what comes after that mistake is more important.
Of course, admitting that you were wrong about something trivial is one thing. Having to change your mind and admit you were wrong on something that is actually important? That is a different ball game entirely. What if you have spent hundreds of thousands of Naira on education and worked your bum to the bone in order to land your ‘dream job’ only to realise 6-months down the line that it’s not right for you? What if you made a decision on behalf of your entire family (after years of convincing them that it was the right move) only to discover that you’re desperately unhappy with your decision and want to go back?
What should you do when you realise that you were ‘wrong’ about a big life decision, but there’s a giant part of you that doesn’t want to admit it? For starters, let’s reframe the whole situation.
- You weren’t ‘wrong’ – you made the best decision with the information you had at the time.
It might sound trite but it’s 100% true. You made the best decision you could with the information and tools you had at the time. Now that you know better, you can choose again. You’re simply making a new choice.
Let’s be real. There are so many things in life that you can’t possibly know about until you have actually experienced them. It’s like a scientific experiment: though you might have a hypothesis, how can you ever truly know how one chemical will react with another chemical until you’ve shoved them in a beaker together, right? Likewise, how can you know how you’ll fare in a particular job environment or relationship until you have given it a go?
In these circumstances, changing your mind about something isn’t ‘failure’, it is just you simply learning more about yourself and what’s best (and not best) for you. Just like Thomas Edison’s experiments helped him rule out thousands of different options until he finally got one that worked, you are simply trying out different options for yourself until you finally hone in on your own light-bulb moment. You have only just made a discovery, not a mistake.
Don’t let stubbornness or whatever keep you trapped in a position you don’t want to be in. You might be thinking that people will think you’re an idiot if you change your mind now. You may be right, but so what?! Admitting that you need to make a change is a fertile feeding ground for the weak part of every one of us (yes, we all have that part) to take it as permission to beat you up and rub in just how worthless you really are… So don’t let that happen!
Whenever that is about to happen, wake up and gently remind yourself that you are doing the very best you can, and just like everyone else, you deserve love and the chance to choose again: ‘I did the best that I could with the information I had. Now I’m standing in my power and making a new choice that’s more aligned with my truth.’
- Don’t Stick With A Bad Decision Just To Prove Others Wrong
This kind of faulty thinking is actually way more common than you’d think. All too often we stay in jobs/relationships/situations longer than we should, simply to prove our friends/parents/partners wrong. But of course, the truth is, when we do this, the only person we’re hurting is ourselves.
Ever heard, ‘Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.’ The same applies to sticking out a crappy decision just to spite others. Don’t stand for it, beautiful, you deserve so much better than that.
- Pivot Quickly
As soon as you know you’re in a situation that’s not aligned with your truth, take swift action to change it. I know it can be tough when it feels like you’re in too deep, or you’ve got too much to lose, but it’s amazing how a few swift choices can turn everything around and make you feel empowered and motivated again. Not to mention, the longer you wait around and wallow in that crappy feeling of ‘out-of-alignment-ness’, the harder it will be to climb out of your inertia and get your momentum back.
Look for small shifts and quick wins that you can take action on today. Even if it is as simple as making one phone call or sending one email, it will restore your sense of self-worth and help you feel like you’re taking charge of your own future.
- Forgive Yourself And Move On
In five years, ten years, twenty years’ time, this will all seem like a tiny blip on the radar of your rich, layered, meaningful life (because that’s what we all want right?). Even though it might feel all-consuming right now, know that this too shall pass. You have an amazing lesson to learn from it so that you can grow and expand in the exact ways you need to. So soak up that goodness, step into your true power, and stand tall as the Queen you truly are.