An incessant phone call woke me up by 4am on Tuesday, the caller was my friend who is engaged to my cousin, the conversation was one-sided and it went like this, “ Onyi, tell Gerald (not his real name) to buy me an engagement ring, I know we agreed on not having one but the questions are just too many, I can’t take it anymore” I murmured a confused “huh” and she went on to tell me how uncomfortable the questions on not having a rock on her finger made her, how everyone who knows that they’ve done their introduction keeps hounding her about her bare ring finger, that some don’t even believe she’s taken. The phone call came as a surprise because I knew a ring wasn’t part of the deal initially, anyway, I promised to talk to my cousin, that calmed her down a little bit, mid day that same day I put a call through to Gerald, and we all know by now the topic of the day, “go buy your fiancé a ring, duh” that was how I started the conversation but the guy went on to give me a long speech which he said he already gave to his fiancé about how he does not believe in rings, that the commitment is in their mind and heart and a ring wouldn’t change or alter their feelings for each other. I had to ask if financial constraints necessitated his decision but the answer was an affirmative “NO”.
Our conversation led me to research more into the topic and I found out that many people choose to forgo the ring in order to create a very different kind of memory, or maybe it’s due to financial constraints, women now propose to men, some it’s a desire to design rings that match or even the desire to let the woman design her own beautiful ring. Regardless of the reasons, proposing without a ring is not necessarily a bad thing – and when done right, it can be just as romantic as any other proposal.
We all know the traditional way of proposing includes opening up a gift box to reveal a massive diamond or any other stone you can afford, most people now plan an elaborate party or choose romantic destinations to pop the question, whatever rocks your boat. I asked some older people in my family, what they thought about a ring less proposal and 80% of my relations frowned at the concept, while 20% gave a concession only if the would be groom couldn’t afford a ring right now but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t buy it later when the finances is right, they said”, who made these rules, I wondered? Did all proposals really work that way? Are there people like my cousin and his fiancé, who prefer to break the norm and do it their own way?
The classic pose of a man down on one knee, holding his beloved’s hand, can never ever, I repeat ever be compromised, it is really the stuff that dreams are made of. A man can give his woman that with or without a ring, so make a point of getting down on one knee and even cry if you feel like it! (We really do love a mushy man sometimes) The key is that the moment must feel right.
It is important to remember the little details that will make popping the question special for you guys, Whether it’s cooking their favorite meal or planning a romantic visit to the place you first met – it’s about knowing exactly what your partner would want and the personal little details that will make it memorable for all the right reasons.
Like my cousin said, the engagement doesn’t necessarily need a ring to be real, although it is nice to have something sparkly and beautiful, it is definitely not a requirement. A ring is something used to seal the deal, it is simply a symbol of your love not something that your love depends on. So lovebirds go ahead and do your thing with or without a ring, it is totally fine.
Thanks for reading!
Photo credit: Images sourced from the web