I did it again, I fell in love with someone who never asked me to be his woman, and nonetheless I will blame him for leading me on because the story gets better if I don’t take responsibility. Isn’t that what we all do anyways? Its always the other person who made us react in a particular way. Needless to say, I want to make you grasp something that I did in all my experiences; so don’t be judgmental and take the good out of the bad. Life is a learning curve. Solomon and I first bumped into each other in a shopping complex in Mombasa Kenya and well, it was attraction at first glance. Something made us get along and after exchanging contacts we were almost inseparable. Every day afterwards was a beautiful morning, the dates were beyond expectation taking into consideration he comes from Luo Land; Western Kenya where everything is extravagant when it comes to spending. I grew found of him and opened myself to his presence in my life. If anything bothered me, he was the first person I contacted and he did the same. As time would have it, he adopted the name “King” of my life and I became his “Queen”. Everything was coming together, my life was perfect, my Public Relations and Communications firm was doing well and back home I had some chocolate –skin, tall and handsome man by my side. What else could a lady ask for?
I longed for the day he would ask me out, or make it official to no avail. He had however made it clear to me time and again that he was not ready for marriage or being in a committed relationship. I am a grown woman as Beyonce would put it and I carried on with the hope that he will one day change his mind about this since we were having exclusive sex meaning neither of us was allowed to sleep with other people but we were not committed to each other, do you understand me? Okay, let me call it “situationship”.I got so comfortable in it that I never positioned myself to think about the end of this relationship, I didn’t want to think about losing such a man from my life by stressing him to be in a committed relationship since I got all the girl friend privileges. He was a silver lining and a scape-goat from the numerous questions my family had about me getting married. Then one time everything that could go wrong went wrong. I was having a hard time at the firm and I could no longer connect with Solomon emotionally let alone physically. I was not able to afford house rent and also take care of my family back in the village. My world was falling apart as business was not proceeding as planned. I tried reaching out to Solomon but somehow he had other priorities to take care of.
It is in this period that Solomon broke the news to me that he was about to get married and had to call off our agreement! I had always known that this day was coming but I was never ready for it. The person whom I solely relied for emotional support had abandoned me in my hour of desperate need. What more can one do? They say maybe love stays, maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t. Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to. And love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say, Welcome, make yourself comfortable. If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet.Whisper,”Thank you for stopping by”.I know you think I went through a traumatizing period because I failed myself from the woman I seem to be, one with high standards to well accepting a “situationship” in the name of love, but shock on you!NO!The way I see it, I grew stronger through this experience and I learnt never to be too hard on myself in my process of living the best purpose driven life desired by me. Let me drive the point home dear reader, at some point in your life you may stumble and when you do, there is no such thing as failure. Failure is something moving us to the next direction, so give yourself time to mourn, learn from every mistake, get up and try again and fail better the next time.
The impressive calling card that I got during this state was that at the end of the day, WE ALL MOVE ON. It doesn’t matter what you are going through, be it a divorce, the loss of a job, or betrayal. As long as there are human beings involved, such is anticipated. Such is life dear friends whereby we live each day as it comes and take in the most of what life offers us. Tomorrow isn’t promised and it comes with new battles to fight so how about we learn to move on from all the pain caused, that is expected from people and continue with our journey of life. Most of the time we wallow ourselves in that experience, feeling sorry for ourselves and hoping that every other person will understand our story from our perspective. This can take one month, a year or to some a life time. Repeating the narrative of how they did us wrong or left us when we needed them the most. But I have learnt that in these times, you need to call your entire existence to work and let the physical take charge of the mental which is hurting by focusing on your end goal as a person, the things that make you fullfill your uttermost presence as a living being. It could be sports, music or to some work. Something that makes you feel alive! Human beings will always fail us, just don’t give them the power to thrive over you by trying to understand their shortcomings directed to you.
Solomon wanted to get married to someone else knowing so well I was playing his “wife card” and it didn’t bother him to consider my feelings. That was not my problem, it was his,I wasn’t the one to blame for him choosing someone else over me.I decided a long time ago to stop taking everything so personal instead I look at every experience as a learning curve and see how I can grow from it. I don’t know what situation you are battling with right now, but I know you will eventually move on to the other side of light. So, how about we save some time and enjoy life as it is instead of giving such negativity our time which is also but limited? What is the point of taking one year to heal from break up instead of doing it in a week and enjoying the rest of your days? Remember, you are the author of your fate and master of your soul, make your life story a worth reading and a lot of fun enjoying the ups and downs because we surely do move on…