Fight The Right Way
What differentiates great relationships from others is not the absence of conflict but finding a healthy and respectable way to resolve conflict. People often look for ways to avoid disagreements but forget disagreements are not the downfall but how you deal with it. Understanding how to resolve conflicts is more important than avoiding conflict.
There are three things couples do when they do not know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way – Fight (they stay angry and hold grudges against each other), Flight (they avoid the problem and sweep it under the rug), or Freeze (they typically shut down their emotions and after sometime stop caring).
In any relationship, communication is key and not just any communication, but healthy communication. If you want to learn how to communicate healthy, here are a few tips:
1. Don’t Shout: Emotions cloud people’s sense of reasoning most of the time. Shouting at each other does not help the situation when tensions are high. Even if your partner starts raising his/her voice, you need to keep calm in order not to escalate the situation.
2. Remember, Don’t Look for Ways to Be Right: The worst feeling is being upset and having the person you are upset out telling you how they are right and you are wrong. Don’t be that person.
3. Speak Directly: Don’t generalize things when you’re trying to get a point across. Be direct at what exactly the problem is because generalizing it will only make him/her defensive.
4. Remind Them You Care: Never forget, affirming that you care for who you are having conflict with always help diffuse the situation
5. Don’t Let Your Pride Get The Best Of You: It is tempting to always let your pride get the best of you. Not wanting to be the bigger person and apologize because you do not want to look weak. Well, apologizing does not make you weak – it shows how much you care for the person. You’re willing to take the blame.
6. Figure out What’s Right Not Who Is Right: Try removing yourself from the situation. Understand the problem and what is wrong and what is right. Evaluate the situation like it is the problem of another person.
7. No Cussing and No Name Calling: Cursing and calling each other names will only aggravate the situation. It stops whoever you’re talking to from finding validation in what you are trying to say.
8. Don’t Expect Them to Give You the Exact Reaction You’re Looking For: You can’t put the responsibility of already wanting a specific reaction from them. People are different. You have to accept people are different and not give them hell for reacting differently.
Always remember, having conflict with someone you care about means you both want to find a solution to moving forward. As long as we know the other person cares, it gives us common ground to work on.
In the famous words of D’banj,
“Love is a Beautiful thing”.