A while ago, someone on an internet thread accused another reader of being discriminatory for refusing to date a guy because he has kids. Several hundred comments and a plethora of insults later, no resolution was reached among the forum posters. Was it discriminatory? Maybe. However, if we really think about it, dating by its very nature is discriminatory.


If you’ve ever seen the movie ‘How To Be Single’, there’s a scene where a character complains about being single. Another character points out that there are literally millions of people in New York and that she shouldn’t have any trouble finding a mate. She takes a handful of peanuts and begins to explain why it’s not that simple: half are women, some are over 60, some are already married, some are underaged etc. Dating is basically sorting through a handful of peanuts and eliminating various candidates based on various criteria.


Plus, most people aren’t just looking for someone who is within their age range, single and straight. Most are looking for someone who fits that description and shares a connection and interests with them.

The sorting process can seem like finding a needle in a haystack, but with the right steps, it doesn’t have to be.


  • Find Your Congregation: If you were hungry and wanted Chinese food, would you go to any random restaurant and hope they had Chinese food or go to a Chinese restaurant? Exactly! If you are looking for a partner with specific qualities, you’re better off looking in places where people with those qualities are typically found. Want a very religious person? Go to church! Want a bookworm? Go to literary events and libraries! Want a fashionista? Go to fashion events! It’s really that simple.
  • Make Yourself Active Within That Space: One of the best ways to start friendships and relationships within the space your looking for a partner is to be active in your community. If you’re trying to find a fellow movie lover, tweet about movies, comment on threads and make your voice heard. There are countless stories of people who have found their partners and spouses in communities and even fandoms.
  • Be yourself: As you are on the market looking for a partner, there is someone else out there who is looking for someone just like you.  While the previously mentioned steps will help in your search, it isn’t impossible that you might find your partner outside these spaces. If this happens, a connection is more likely to be formed if you are upfront about yourself and your interests. If you are open about who you are, someone who is looking for your type of person is more likely to spot you.

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