As I was binge watching my favorite mini series “Big Little Lies” again, the character Celeste’s relationship with her husband Perry, got me thinking about love and unhealthy relationships? I have had my fair share of relationships and the workings of inner and outer love, and I can boldly state in my opinion (you are free to disagree), that relationships aren’t supposed to be hard contrary to what music, Hollywood and our very own Nollywood portrays. Love is not meant to be a struggle. Yes, popular songs make it sound like it’s supposed to be. Movies also make it seem like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong; love is meant to be effortless and easy. When it’s not, you’re doing it wrong!
If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! Get away and stay away!
If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you.
Good relationships are effortless 80% of the time with the occasional 20% when you have to put in the work to make sure things stay in a good place. You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. You aren’t afraid to lose them. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them.
There is a huge difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… but it doesn’t always feel like that. Love and obsession are related in some aspects, the two can never be thought to be the same.
It is totally Ok to be infatuated with someone at the beginning of a relationship but with time that settles into a more relaxed form of attachment.
Love is a feeling when a person wants the best for the one you love, and always want them to be happy, even if they are not part of your life. On the other hand, obsession is a crazy feeling where the person wants the other to be his or her’s only. An obsessed person always thinks of having the beloved one on his or her side all day.
When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them… like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not going to be Ok. I’m not talking about the light banter “I’m obsessed with you” that we use in pop culture today.
Everyone experiences jealousy to a certain degree in a relationship. Fearing losing your partner or feeling threatened around other attractive people can be a sign that you care about your relationship. On the other hand, it can become a dangerous problem when jealousy becomes excessive, unwarranted and intrusive to the other person. What I’m trying to convey in essence is that love and obsession might look alike but it is important we identify and differentiate the two. Some unlucky people have suffered dire consequences of being in a relationship with an obsessive partner.
Thanks for reading!