“Americans have the highest divorce rate of over 50% in the world. There are no available statistics on the divorce rate in Nigeria, but court records seem to suggest that it is on an increase”
-Francis Ewherido. Vanguard Newspaper, May 1 2015.
In recent times, the increase in divorce rate has definitely been off the charts. Waking up to news of a marriage separation or divorce every other day is becoming normal. It makes me begin to wonder, What exactly do people look at before they get married?
Ideally, before getting married, we see couples getting to know each other deeply, introducing their families, discussing exactly what they want out of life, talking about the flaws in a relationship and looking at the balance on how to resolve them and the list goes on. Nowadays, people don’t even think to find out what exactly they are getting into.
“I met my husband when i was 24 and he was 26. We met at a friends birthday birthday and hit it off. 6 months down the line, he proposed to me and we got married shortly after.
We moved in together and everything was great. We started to merge bank accounts and our lives together. Every month, i would treat myself to a nice designer bag because i work hard. This month i did and it caused a disagreement in my marriage which passed.
Then the conversation of children came up and i as a working woman wanted to transition to a working mother but he was not having any of it. To him, it meant i wouldn’t be putting our children first.
Every week, a new problem came up. Things i never thought would be a problem, became a problem.
I love my husband dearly but if i could do it all over again, i would have waited a little longer.”
You think of that scenario, a woman managing in her marriage, how long would it really last?
We see the biggest weddings happening all over the world then 1 year later call it quits – Why?
People get married for the wrong reasons. it has become so common. You hear girls getting excited about getting married in the future then you ask them why do you want to get married? and you get the same answers I can’t wait to walk down the aisle and have my dream honeymoon then have my kids. Don’t get me wrong, those answers are great but don’t let those be your bases.
I’m going to share with you 6 bad reasons for you to say I DO:
- “I Want to have a Dream Wedding”: Oh baby!! Don’t get me wrong, weddings are amazing but there is so much emphasis and focus on having the most glamorous wedding that some people just say yes when they are not even ready. It is so easy to be swept away by the glitz and glam of what we see in the fashion magazines and movies. You see women all the time with stacks of wedding magazines by their bed stands and wedding picture inspirations on their phones desperately looking to get married to live their fantasies.
- “All my Friends are getting Married”: There are a lot of moments when women might feel left out if it seems like everyone around them except them is headed to the altar. It’s nice to go through life’s milestones on the same track as your friends because you feel like you have people around you that you can talk to but don’t you think it’s always better to be the last of your friends to get married than the first one to get divorced.
- “I want to have Sex”: There are people that due to religion or strict believes feel you should not have sex till marriage. Well, that is perfectly okay. Yes it can be hard to wait with so many influences and temptations around but sex is just one way to please your partner – explore those.
- “My Parents are on my neck”: “I’m the only one of my friends without grandchildren. When are you going to settle down, marry, and have kids? It’s not right to deprive me of happiness at the end of my life.” Sigh! How many of us have heard this from our parents? They guilt trip you into feeling you need to get married telling you things like “I just want to see you get married before I die. Is that too much to ask?” It is just not right. Even the simple question of, “When are you getting married?” can become such a weight when you have people asking you everyday.
- “My Partner wanted to get Married”: You have no idea how common this is. People getting married just because their spouse wants to – DON’T DO IT. People, why do you want to make yourself feel clustered??? If you are not ready, tell your spouse because regardless you’d only end up hurting each other.
- “I don’t have anyone. I just feel lonely”: This mostly goes to the ladies, Loneliness is not a reason to be in a relationship. I repeat Loneliness is not a reason to be in a relationship. I am not saying being lonely is easy. Especially when you get to a certain age, it might seem like a person is your “last good option.” But you will meet other people to love, and if you settle, you might miss out on someone really amazing later on.
Furthermore, Let’s remember to put ourselves first. Thing about what you really need not just the insignificant wants that do not last. Love is a beautiful thing to have but don’t convince yourself that lust is love